$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You need Xanax blowdarts
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
