you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
