hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
