i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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