it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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