hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What a dumb baby whore.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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