remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
