a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize