just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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