i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
