why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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