Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
