i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
