i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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