I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I party with great urgency now.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
