her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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