I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
