Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
All I want is dick and wine.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
