my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
