90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
