I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
