3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
