I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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