In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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