that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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