just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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