So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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