last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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