Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
