i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
