there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
