it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
