Just fell off a train. Bad.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
