My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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