I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
