you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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