I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
