I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
