The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Houston, we have a blender
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
