If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
