Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
