There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
