It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
