So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
