I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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