Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize