Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
