The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
