Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We talked him into tasing himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize