glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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