fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
