Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He had one of those small greek statue penises
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
