I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
