she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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