No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize