Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
