For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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