After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
