Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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