i will never coherently bang her
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
