Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I smell stomach acid.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
