you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
