Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
