I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
