She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize