Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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