I faked an abortion last night.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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