just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
