i'm signing you up for texting rehab
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
