I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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