At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
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If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
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i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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