The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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